birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
