Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i've created a new STD.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
