dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize