Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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