But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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