the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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