wanna go halves on a baby?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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