she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
