When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
