Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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