You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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