He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
