That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
