How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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