i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
