and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
