I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
