Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
