Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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