we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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