This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
