He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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