I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
