mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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