can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
