We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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