i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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