I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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