It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
