yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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