I have demons in me.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Randomize
