bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
