We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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