And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
