Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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