I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
either way he was missing a nipple.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
