he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
