you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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