This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
