I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
