So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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