she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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