Dude my mom stole all your condoms
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
