so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
