ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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