it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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