After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
