Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
