I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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