when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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