Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
