That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
