meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize