beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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