so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
