I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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