Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
