sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Randomize
