It's just like the Real World with babies
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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