He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
