Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
