im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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