well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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