That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
