Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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