you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He better not be in your backpack
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
