I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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