It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
