PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
