New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize