God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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