I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
