He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Boobs are out for the taking
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I could fuck to npr.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
