What did we do last night that was yellow?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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