haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
