i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
