Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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