super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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