its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
